Confidential Confessions
by Brigadier-Erin-Lightning
Summary: Utena leads Juri to realize her insecurities. To defeat these, she challenges Touga. But does he know something about her past that even Juri herself has forgotten? And at Ohtori, does the outside world truely exist?
1. Confidential Confessions

**Confidential Confessions**

**A fanfiction by Erin Lightning**

* * *

It was raining that night, if I remember, and raining the next, when Juri Arisugawa appeared at my doorstep.

Anthy had gone out, to visit her brother in that rose encrusted observatory of his, that beautiful palace in the stars. I had been at home, not even ChuuChuu to visit with. That was when, with the thunder roaring like a demon outside, and the lightning striking across the sky, a dragons flame, the knock resounded through the stillness of the far-too-large house.

"Coming!" I called, reaching for something a bit more decent, seeing as how it definitely wouldn't be proper to answer the door in a nightgown. Right, on with the school outfit, off with these much more comfortable robes.

Who could be coming to talk to me though? Why would anyone need to speak with me? Maybe it was Touga. God, would that playboy EVER give up? Wasn't he ever going to realize that I just wasn't ever going to return his feelings? Or perhaps he did realize that, and had come to bring some earth-shattering information to my attention yet again. He was good at that.

But, lo and behold, as I threw open the door, there stood the vision of beauty herself, her beautiful orange curls flowing down her shoulders, glimmering with rain, and those sapphire eyes, so cold and unyielding, fixed upon me in a look of pure nothingness. Her outfit was drenched, that school outfit she wore. I wondered too myself if I had ever even considered "the panther's" beauty before.

Maybe it was something about the rain that brought her looks to me. Something about it that gave her a disarming appeal, an almost mercenary look. Whatever it was, I wasn't sure if I had ever seen her like this before. Nor was I sure if I would ever see her like this again in the future.

"J-Juri," I stammered. I could tell I was staring, and I turned away with a light blush, embarrassed at myself for my rude behavior.

It was as if words didn't matter now. Her eyes fell upon me, looked me over once, twice, and then her lips parted and her voice came, as calm and as concrete as always. "Let's go for a walk."

She could have had me on a leash by the way she said it. It felt then like she had just tugged the string, and I was now her puppet on the world's unending stage. I nodded vaguely, and reached for my umbrella.

"You...don't need that," Juri said. How musical, how inviting, that voice!

Again, I nodded. What was I to fear just a little rain? I had always been the one to go running about, splashing wildly in puddles, when other girls hid under their umbrellas, clutching them tight as if they were life jackets to the drowning. Maybe my new-found maturity, or at least my behavior right now, could be credited to the fact that Juri seemed so much like myself...I felt I had to play the role of Juri.

Anyway, it was out into the rain we went.

**_-------------------------_**

It was quite some time before we stopped. The whole walk, we had been silent as stones. Juri refused to give me any idea as to why she had come to me, calling me like a beloved pet to her side. I refused to ask. I watched her as we walked, the curls shining even brighter as the moonlight shown through the clouds, as if just to spotlight her. She stayed a few feet away from me, perhaps out of respect.

Finally, she stopped. I remembered this spot! The fountain stretched out in front of me, and the water was clear, cool. I remembered this spot, I did! I had sat right here, on the edge of this fountain, as the ferocious beauty had come to me, gentle caressed my face, and then slapped me hard, screaming at me in her defiance.

That seemed so long ago, and now, as I stood here, I felt as if I had tamed the one who stood next to me. Had I?

I sat again on the edge, removing a coat I had slipped on and placing it next to me for her, though I don't know what good it did, being as how the coat was just as soaked as the seat. Still, she sat, just as I had hoped. My heart soared with happiness as she did, as if it considered this as her accepting my gesture of kindness, even if it was quite insignificant.

My hopes fluttered tight in my chest as I searched to control them. Why had she brought me out here? Would she accept my friendship at last? No, this couldn't...I willed it not to be a challenge. Please, oh God, please. Let her just want to talk to me for once. Just for once.

"How I..." I heard her start, her voice so quiet, so gentle, it was like a butterfly, made of ice, flitting through the air, or the whisper of a chill wind. "How I envy you, Tenjou."

"Envy..me?" I asked, my voice low. How could anyone envy me? I'd not done anything...too out of the ordinary. Nothing as glorifying as being the captain of the fencing team. Nothing as great as being a student council member. Nothing like having fought in these duels, even if they were pointless, for the last two, maybe three or four years.

"You are happy, with your little Rose Bride, there in that house. You've never wanted something beyond your reach. It's all....so easy for you," she muttered, her voice now dull, hateful, yet searching for something.

"Something...beyond my reach?" I questioned, confused, unsure.

"You have belief!" Juri cried out suddenly, her eyes shooting to me, piercing me like painful, spearing daggers. Thousands and thousands of cuts, an unending supply of hate. Please Juri, please don't hate me. This is not why I came to talk with you, as you wished!

"Juri, why did you bring me out here?"

"Don't you see?" she demanded, a sharp tone implied somewhere in her voice, sharper then even those daggers of her eyes, which had turned to slits now, a maniacal look taking her over as it had that night so many days ago. No! I had tamed her! She was not this conniving monster! I knew she wasn't.

"See what!" I asked in my exasperation.

"You have all you want. You have the power to believe, because your beliefs never let you down!" Her body was shaking now. These duelists, always so close to the edge, as if they would fall straight through, vanish, fade away, and melt away. "I believed in something once, and I was denied! I was cast away! And you rise before me like a deity. You have all I've ever wanted!"

I would have taken her right there. I would have pulled her to me with this natural urge, this uncontrollable instinct to hold her close to me and calm her. No matter that she was the same gender as myself. Anthy was too, and yet I always had given into the urge to protect her, to do all I could for her. With Juri, it was different. I had to, reluctantly, hold back. I had to move closer to her with a slow grace, and place one arm around her to calm her.

She tried to shove me away, but I was relenting, yet firm. I relaxed my gentle embrace as she shoved, giving her space, but keeping her close. I watched the first tears start to flow down her face as she fought desperately to hide them.

In that voice of hers, that icy voice, she muttered, "Why do you hold back?"

This was a side of Juri I had never seen before. This deity, an Egyptian God with a heart of stone. This creature who never let anyone near her, but holed herself up in that tiny room of hers and watched the world with eyes full of both hate and love, conflicting emotions that threatened to tear her to shreds as she told herself it was nothing, just nothing.

Now, her eyes cast away from me, a bitter, sorrowful look on that delicate face, she repeated again, "Why..?" the rest of the sentence fading away.

"I-I-"I stammered, but couldn't say anything. So unlike myself! Usually I had either a snotty remark or a kindly one no matter what circumstance.

She turned her eyes to me for a moment, and then her hand moved so fast that I didn't even see it. Or perhaps I was just not paying enough attention to notice. Whatever the case, she moved her hand up, her finger now resting on my lips. "Quiet, Tenjou," she muttered. "If you can't think of anything, then just use your actions. Show me. Show me what makes you so different from the rest of us!"

**_-----------------------_**

Okay, so let's recap before I move any further. Here we are, both drenched and stuck out by a fountain in the rain (the result will probably be a case of the flu, but it seems worth it to see this side of such a cold person), me with my arm wrapped around her shoulder, her hunched over with her finger to my lips. My eyes are wide in shock, hers are cold, devious, but curious in a confused sort of way.

I knew she was suggesting something. She wanted me to do something, anything, to prove to her I was different. I had to prove myself to her.

**_---------------------_**

So, I took her there, into my arms, and I kissed her. Hell, I wasn't the sort of person to do this either. Albeit, I'm quite shy. But it seemed she wanted me to, and heck, I wanted to. Oh shit, guess there is never any going back to the normal life. How screwed up this school is! The usual schools, girls like me meet guys and end up marrying and having kids. Here, the guys are all playboys, or idiots, or engaged to stopwatches or in love with their sisters and all the girls fawn over each other like little cherubs in paintings.

I enjoyed that kiss too, admit it I must. I enjoyed the feel of her warmth in my arms, those tender lips on mine. Her eyes closed, her body relaxed after only a moment. Ah, so she was enjoying this. She curled tighter into me.

I no longer cared about the rain. I didn't care about anything. I was focused on her alone. God, why was it that this moment reminded me so of what I'd hoped of Anthy? I guess I'm doomed to Hell now. Then again, I've never been one for Heaven and Hell, so that didn't matter either.

When finally she pulled away, her hand brushed through my hair almost affectionately, as if teasing me. "I see now," she whispered, her eyes bright, her face only slightly flushed, her lips in a delicate smile. I had never seen her smile like this before. So...innocent.

She stood to go. No! I didn't want her to leave! "Juri!" I said, my need full in my voice as I stood.

Then I realized it. She wasn't facing the direction of her dorm. She was starting to walk back towards mine. "Are you coming?" she questioned, without looking back. How dazzling that golden orange hair of hers, the color like a sun through the darkened night.

**_---------------------------_**

I took her back to my dorm. There, I closed and locked the door to one of the guest rooms, careful to leave a note in my own room telling Anthy that I had gone out, and that there was someone currently using the guest room that was not to be disturbed. I'd hate to have my little friend stumble upon my secret.

There, in that guest room, Juri lay stretched out on the single, plain bed. Her bright eyes watched me still, curious only slightly again, more sensuous and alluring. God! How I wanted to do more then just hold her! But I held back. I lay there next to her, brushing my hands through her luxurious hair, cradling her close to me.

It was several moments before she gave an exasperated sigh and said softly, in an annoyed tone, "Again, you hold back. Tenjou, I wouldn't have brought you here if I didn't want this," she said.

That was all I needed. Without giving her time to finish what she was saying, I pulled her closer to me and kissed her passionately, and we fell back together into the soft covers and blankets I had brought in.

**_--------------------------_**

And I'll admit it to you now. I took her. I gave her my all as I had never done with anyone else before, and, I was sure, she gave me her all. That was the first I had ever actually BEEN with someone.

These are my confidential confessions.

* * *

**_Okay, so, first off, what's up, my little reviewers, and the newbies who stumbled unknowingly upon this? Hope you've have a good day, or, if it's really early in the morning, you will have a good day._**

**_Now, this is my author spot. MINE! For notes, and whatever. You all know I don't write like this often, if you've read my other fanfictions. To admit to you all my own confession of sorts, I'm not much of one for Yuri or Yaoi when it comes down to it, nor do I have any interest in intimacy whatsoever at times. So, why did I write such a mushy-gushy little Yuri? For my friends, of course. I can indeed fathom an Utena/Juri pairing. It seems quite a good one too. So, upon it's suggestion by a friend, I put my heart into writing this one shot._**

**_What do you all think? _**

**_Anyway, I must be going back to writing. I need to add another chapter to Flame and CBS2 before my reviewers go insane! So, buh-bye! Oh yes, and I may perhaps continue this fanfic, if I can think of another decent pairing. And if you like this one-shot well enough. Dunno._**

**_-Erin_**


	2. Roses In The Rain

**Confidential Confessions**

**Chapter II: Roses in the Rain**

**A fanfiction by Erin Lightning**

* * *

"There is no beauty like a rose in the rain." That is what Touga Kiryuu, the infamous playboy and duelist, said to me the night he found me out on the balcony of the Council meetings.

**_---------------_**

The rain was really coming down, and, with it, a cold. I've had the flu before, many times, but never had I known the realization that I had brought on my own suffering this time by wanting so much, by such recklessness. It was not like me, the quiet, level-headed mistress, Juri Arisugawa, to snap at someone so often, nor to act so...well...slutty. I had always thought of myself as above these things, this need, this insatiable hunger for something more. I had always thought I was happy alone.

But this was not the case. I remember a time, long, long ago it seems, when I first came to this school. Back then, I was nothing but a child, with the look of innocence in my eyes and a soft little passive smile on my face. I remember tugging at my mother's sleeve, shying behind her when the other girls came up to meet the new child. I was, believe it or not, one of the only duelists to start school here way, way back in kindergarten (some of you probably didn't even know there was a kindergarten!).

Back then, I relied on my mother. She was all I had. My father, you see, had left us when I was just a baby. He was killed in a car accident, as does happen to many, many people. So, when she told me I had to come to this school, I put on a big-kid smile for her and I came with no regrets. But, I had no idea what was about to happen.

I remember. She asked the headmaster for a dorm for me...This was supposed to be out of the question, because I was so young. But, somehow, she managed it. I was just settling in in my tiny little room, having laid my bags down, and jumped on the bed once, twice, when the rain began to fall.

I loved rain. I always had before that day, but afterwards, I began to hate it. Each time it rains, I feel as if my heart will tear in two and bleed like rain. Like the blood rain that fell that day.

My mother smiled at me, simply, from the doorway. "You'll be happy here, won't you, Juuri?" she asked. I remember she spoke with a distinct foreign dialect, which always made it so that when she said my name, it sounded like an extra "u" was added. You see, my mother was a very, very different person. Maybe, perhaps, it was because of this that she always seemed so beautiful to me. She had ordinary brown hair, long, wavy. Her eyes...oh, yes, I remember them so well, because I can never forget them now. I can never forget them because...her eyes had that spark in them that never vanished, the very same spark I see in Utena's, when I actually let myself look into those wondrous eyes of hers.

"Yes mummy! I'll be happy!" I said, nothing more then the loving little five-year-old, with the great big eyes and the cute smile, and the curls that flowed like sunshine.

"Then...this is goodbye..." my mother had whispered, her voice had gone so soft.

"Goodbye? But..you'll come back, won't you, mummy?" I remember pleading with her.

"No, Juuri. No, I won't. This is goodbye."

She wouldn't touch me. I reached for her, she swatted my hand away. Confused, hurt, I tried to hug her. But instead, she screamed at me, "No!" So I backed away. I was only five after all. I didn't understand any of this. Why? Why was she acting so cruel to me all of a sudden?

"It's for the best, Juuri. Forgive..forgive me." And then she left. She ran out of that room as I have never seen anyone run. She was leaving behind her past. She was running away to do god knows what.

**_---------------_**

But she never made it. She never saw the car coming. It was less then a day later that the Chairman came to my little room and told me that she had been killed in a car accident, just as my father had. She was gone.

**_---------------_**

"And it was just like that that my life changed," I whispered to the rain, as I stood in the shadows of the Council's room, watching the rain in its soft pitter-patter on the balcony.

"Ah, Juri, thinking about the past again?" came that overly passionate voice of Touga's. "So beautiful, the rose in the rain."

How he infuriates me! I spun around, and shot him my best glare. "Spying on me now, are you?"

He stepped out of the shadows, brushed a hand back through his hair. "Not exactly. Come now, Juri. You run out into the cold of the night and expect no one to care?"

"Get away from me, pretty boy!" I snarled. Why now? Why did he come to me now?

He chuckled, moved closer, placed a hand on my shoulder. "Why shouldn't I keep watch over the Student Council members? Why shouldn't I know where they are.." he paused, gave one of those devious looks that showed he was up to no-good. "...and what they do when they think no one is watching?"

"Bastard!" I snapped at him. "What right have you to watch my personal matters?"

"You know," he said, tauntingly, "it's sad that Tenjou will sleep with you, but won't come near me. You'd think she thought I was some sort of demon. When, in reality, Juri, you-"

"Shut up!" I screamed at him, my voice ringing in the rain. "Shut up! What do you know!"

"I know...everything..." he said, smirking.

My heart raced in my chest. I took a step back, two. I stumbled on the marble balcony, the ground beneath me wet with rain. The rain around me fell on, ever gently, pounding my shoulders, my body. How could he be so evil? Touga...this was the real him. It had always been like this. No one else knew. Not even Nanami. But...he had showed me this side of himself long ago.

"You came to me looking for something eternal. That's why we are here, Juri. Miki, Saiounji, Nanami, Utena, and you," he said, advancing on me. He was the serpent, the great demon dragon with the ice eyes and the flaming scales, and a tongue in his mouth that spoke only truth. Truth which no one wanted to hear. The terrible, terrible truth.

"You know what happened that night, Juri. The night your mother died. Don't hide it, don't tell me you weren't thinking of it. Your eyes are mirrors of your soul, and they reflect all of your feelings much too easily sometimes."

"Lies!" I shouted. "You don't know anything!" I slipped, nearly falling to the hard floor. I had backed up to the edge of the balcony, and yet he still advanced.

"You found your "something eternal" then, Juri," he said. His eyes grew suddenly cold. "The beautiful panther skitters away like a helpless bug? Don't you want to prove it, Juri? Don't you want to tell me you didn't find anything? That there is.." he paused, his voice just as cold as his eyes, "no...such...thing...."

"THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MIRACLES!" I think I cried out this time. I think my voice really did ring from every spire, every wall of this school. I fell to my knees, but I shot my eyes up at him, flaming with my anger. "A duel, Touga? A duel will satisfy you? I'll prove to you that there is no truth in your words! I'll prove that there is no such thing..."

The wind howled, the rain fell on. I stood, tired, alone, frustrated. I let the wind blow at my hair, I let the moment drag. I let him stand there in all of his vicious glory, as I whispered, "as miracles."

**_---------------_**

**_Dear Juri Arisugawa,_**

_It is finally the time of reckoning. Prepare yourself for the true end, your Ultimate Apocalypse. In such rain, will the rose of love retain its glorious petals? Or fall prey to the demons of eternity? The miracle is a dragon on the wings of an angel, cast from Heaven. Lucifer, son of Morning, watches, judge of eternity. Will the rose last the rain? Will this be a rain of sorrow, of memory? Or a rain that washes the world clean?_

_The gate to the outside world is opening. The Ultimate Destiny: Apocalypse._

**_End of The World_**

* * *

**To Be Continued**

* * *

**I decided to continue this fanfiction. There's going to be two more chapters after this one:**

**Chapter Three: "Demon Dragon of Eternity"**

**and**

**Chapter Four: "Juri's Apocalypse"**

**I'm going to focus on Juri, because I love her just so much. You'll see that the next chapter, and this chapter, are both told from her perspective. The last chapter, however, will be told by someone...else...Yes, yes, i've left many, many questions and such to be answered. Look forward to the next chapter! **

**Now, a bit more about my passion for Juri. I thought her Utena pairing would be perfect. So I did it, and it was. Now, as for this chapter, i was trying to find a way to get Juri to realize somewhat feelings for Touga, as well, but I realized that wouldn't happen in a million years. She hates his guts, he hates her for other reasons. So, I decided, What if Juri had this terrible secret that Touga knew?**

**Well, I must go. I'll get the next xhapter up asap. Please review or my legions of hungry chuchus will eat you!**

**-Erin**


	3. Demon Dragon of Eternity

**Confidential Confessions**

**Chapter III: Demon Dragon of Eternity**

**A fanfiction by Erin Lightning**

* * *

I felt such rage coursing through my body as I stood there, that letter in my hand. I swear, I ripped the thing to goddamn pieces, and I had a good time doing it too! Why sort of control did this "End of the World" think they had on my life? This was MY duel, MY challenge! This wasn't some pre-ordained fight. Or...was it?

* * *

Night rolled on. Touga, satisfied with my challenge, had merely smirked at me in the arena, and then suggested I head home, before leaving. I, like the idiot I was, stood out there in the rain for a good hour or so longer, before getting myself up and dragging my tired body home.

Now, I stood in the tiny dorm (thank god I need not share this little place with anyone!), with the feeling like a little electric shock had just passed through my body. My hair stood on end, my hands clutched so tight that my fists had turned a pale, ashen color. My fury was overwhelming! Why? Why me? Why now?

What did Touga know of my life? No, my horrible secret...there was no way...

* * *

As a young child, I remember that the same day that I learned of my mother's death, I also had my first true love.

I had been crying by the fountain, that very same fountain that Utena and I always seem to return to, my tears welled up in my large, innocent eyes. Did I say innocent? No, by that time, I had lost that innocence. Miracles had been lost to me when I had lost my mother. But, anyway, I had been crying to myself, rubbing my little hands against my tears, trying to get them to disappear.

That's when he came up to me.

"Are you...all alone?" he had asked, and his voice was one of those that I will remember eternally. Such a decisive, contemplating voice! And, I remember that the boy's eyes had had that little spark of both darkness and light, as if he were at war with himself on the inside.

His face...I don't remember it. His eyes and his voice are all I've had for years to remember him by. I wonder what became of him? I think he got sick. Perhaps he was hospitalized. It was then, though, when he first spoke to me, that I made this pact with myself to become stronger.

I remember nodding, trying vainly to brush the tears away again.

"Come play with me!" he said, encouraging. "I'm learning how to fight, so I'll grow up strong!"

How humorous he had looked then. Even in such deep sorrow, I had chuckled softly. I remember his smile turning to a bit of a playboy grin as he heard my laughter, as if I were egging him on. I said, softly, "You'll be strong? Can I...be strong too?"

God, his face, the look of those beautiful eyes, as he gave me that soft, welcoming smile. I am not a sappy person, but that one look was enough to melt my heart. Love...that was what I felt, pure and simple. Puppy love, I now know. Nothing more. But it seemed true enough then.

"Of course, and then, someday..."

* * *

"...Someday, you and I will have a fight. And I won't hold back then, all right?" Yes, that was what he had said. Now, as I repeated it softly in my darkened room, with the rain still pounding furiously at my window, I remembered something else. Fencing. That's what the boy had been learning, what he had wanted to teach me. And I, I had accepted.

I reached for my fencing sword, which leaned, heavily polished, against my bed, awaiting my touch. This was a fine sword, fashioned well, with a strong grip and a pliable blade that wasn't too flimsy, nor too fragile. This blade would never let me down. There was no way that Touga Kiryuu would win this duel. No way.

As I started for the door, I took one last look at my room: at everything that I owned (which wasn't much at all). The bed that had served me well these past years, the little desk, the journal that lay upon it. Little did I know that this would be the last time I would ever see this little place again.

I reached out and picked up the pieces of my broken locket and stuffed them into my pocket, just for luck. Then, opening the door, I began to head towards Eternity.

* * *

"There you are," said Touga, as I entered the arena. He was soaking wet, but it didn't seem to matter to him at all. Resolve, there in those hard eyes that always seemed to show that he was a step ahead of everyone and he wanted us all to know this.

"Here I am," I said, sarcastically. I wasn't strong right now, oh no, not at all! I felt shaken, driven nearly mad by the fact that he knew something of my past that I had wanted so desperately to hide. This, however, I would NEVER let him know.

He smirked, held up one of his kendo swords. "Then shall we begin?" he asked. He seemed unmoved, as if this was all just another one of those things he had to deal with, and didn't deserve much of his time, nor concentration.

"Tell me now, Touga," I said, narrowing my eyes, my anger pulsing again as if it were something living, threatening to tear me apart. "Tell me what it is you know about my past."

"I know...that it wasn't an accident that killed your mother," he said, and the slyness of his voice set my temper aflame. "It was, my dear Juri, a simple mira-"

"THERE IS NO SUCH THING!" I cried, lunging forward at him, thrusting my sword at him far too prematurely. Now, I didn't notice this until several minutes later, when it was far too late to back down, but the Rose Bride was not present, and neither of us had been outfitted with roses. We were fighting to the death, and I didn't notice. Touga did, of this I'm sure.

He thrust at me, and I danced out of the way, moving aside. I turned, made a sideways slash at him, but he jumped back, and moved forward again. The conditions for this fight were absolutely the worst: it was cold, wet, and everything was slippery. One wrong move, and to Hell with the battle, we'd be dealing with falling from about, oh, say, one hundred or more feet in the air. To survive a fall like that...now that would be a miracle!

He caught me off guard, as my foot gave in just a bit on the tiled ground, and moved to hit me head-on, right in the chest. But, in true duelist fashion, I jumped out of the way. This, I realized too late as well, was a bad move. I landed on my feet, and they abruptly slipped from beneath me, sending me sprawling to the ground, giving a slight cry.

I came down hard on my left arm, my head thudding hard against the, was it cement this place was made of?, and my knee being bent painfully in the wrong direction. Lucky for me, I didn't break anything, but it was near impossible to get up from such a fall immediately. And he took this time to his advantage, shoving the sword down so that it was inches from my head.

"Give up, Juri?" Touga sneered.

"Never!" I spat, a tiny drop of blood spewing from my mouth as I bared my teeth like fangs, as if I truly were a panther. "Never!"

"Poor, poor little Juri. No matter how you try to fool yourself, Juri, you'll never be able to get past the fact that your heart tells you not to believe, but your head says otherwise. Look around you! Miracles! The rain, this arena, our duel! Everything is the plan of the End of the World, and we are merely actors in this-"

"NEVER!" I cried, my strength pulsing through my body, rocketing me upwards to my feet, so that my good arm thrust my sword up, straight for his head. He moved aside at the last moment, bringing his own weapon down to intercept my attack. But I would not be stopped!

"Touga, miracles or not, you know nothing about me! I'm not the little girl I once was! I'm the panther, and I will not lose to the likes of you!" I advanced. He moved into defense as I hacked away, wildly, trying to hit just one blow. Just one blow, and I would have the upper hand!

WHAM! My blade slammed right into his, much harder then I had thought I could hit. He fell, off balance, sliding backwards. He barely managed to remain on one knee. His eyes were ice as he looked to me after the blow, angered, but there was thought there. He was deep in thought, contemplating.

I moved in. I would corner him as he had done to me. I was just about to put my sword down against his neck, when he suddenly said, softly, "It was you, Juri. You killed her."

* * *

I froze in my tracks. My eyes widened, my thoughts racing. No, no, killed...her? Killed...? "I...killed...my mother?" came my voice, tiny, insignificant.

My memories flashed back, back to that day. I watched my mother running. I cried out to her as I realized I wouldn't catch her. But now, my little memory seemed to be moving ahead, showing me more. I remember calling out, as she ran, that I would not be abandoned. I remember thinking that, for anyone to abandon their daughter, they deserved a fate worse then death. Wait, no, that was the next day. I had been sitting in bed, crying, angered, thinking that. But...I had never done anything!

"I didn't...I didn't do it!" I screamed at him. That playboy! He thought he could control me! But, I was shaking now. My hands fumbled with my sword. My guard was gone.

He started to stand, and gave me one of those "we all have hidden secrets and I know every single one of these" looks, like he was taunting me with the knowledge of something I couldn't remember. "Oh, but you did. Juri, you set the wheels in motion then. You did it."

"No! I won't accept that! I never!"

"'I wish she would die! She deserves to die, she deserves to go where all the bad people go!'" he said, his voice childish-sounding, imitating.

This was the worst of all. Those...had been my exact words. That was precisely what I had uttered, as my hatred had begun to grow, as I had sobbed alone in my room. "How...how could you..?"

"It was you, Juri..." said Touga, smirking, as he finally made it to his feet. He positioned his sword in both hands, and then, with one last little knowing look, he came at me. "IT WAS YOU WHO DID IT!"

* * *

His words, I will never forget how they echoed in that cold gray sky. I will never forget what he said to me, just then, those last words. And...in a flash of blinding light, it was over. The sky had opened to his yell, the castle appearing above, a blazing emblem in the cloudy sky. Its light shone upon us both, and, in his eyes and his movements, I saw the ferocity of a dragon.

And I'm sure he saw the great panther in me as I moved now completely of anger. My fury at his words, at everything, at myself, overrided my judgment...and guided my blade as it pierced his chest, as I drove the sword straight through him.

The horror of that one moment! Standing there, amidst the light, like the light of Heaven itself, with my blade driven straight through him, and that look of fear, of pain, in his eyes, as he dropped his sword to the ground. I didn't even hear the clatter as the sword fell. I saw nothing but his face, as it grew paler, lifeless. I heard nothing but the final words he said to me.

"Again...Juri..." he whispered. "You will...leave me to die...just like...just like you did to Ruka."

His body slid off the blade, crumpled to the ground. He wasn't dead. He would be soon. I hadn't the heart to finish him. I could only stand there, my heart numb with fear, my body shaking violently. Tears flooded to my eyes, and I thought for sure they would run like blood, like a demons tears! But no, I was no demon...just...a murderer...who didn't deserve to live!

I lifted my blade then, saw his blood there on it...I lifted it to the Heavens (Or perhaps the castle was Hell itself?) and I gave out a cry like none that had ever been heard before. No more. I would never hurt anyone else. Never.

* * *

I saw her, my mother, as she ran from the school that horrid, rainy day. I saw her running down the road, afraid. I felt the anxiety in her heart. Would her darling Juri be all right? Would she be safe at Ohtori? She paused, turning her head to the skies. What the?

The light. The light penetrated the dark cloud, for this was no earthly light. This was something...more. And yet, as she looked skyward, she realized...this was no light! This was the illumination of a castle. A beautiful castle, floating high in the air. Never before had the young woman seen this!

Was it hovering about the school? What was this castle?

But her questions were not to be answered. Everything was to happen too quickly. She heard the cry, sounding from a thousand miles away. 'I WISH SHE WOULD DIE!'

Juri's voice? Juri crying that horrible curse?

She turned back to the school, but then looked at the castle almost immediately again, as it began to shine brighter. Brighter, and brighter, and then there was another light. This was no heavenly light, however, this second one. Merely the cars headlights. The car, driving on, driving this same road. And it was too late for the young woman to get out of the way.

* * *

My mother, in her last moments. So, she had seen the castle too? Then, here, standing before the great monument, was a fitting way for me to go too. Finally, I would be satisfied. No more having to worry about things beyond my reach. Forgive me, Touga, Utena, Shiori, Ruka. Forgive me.

My arm swung. The sword plunged deep into me. The last I saw...was that light. Never-ending light.

* * *

**yawn So...very...sleepy. Ouch, i spent the last four hours typing this, and now, I must be off to bed. So, interesting chapter, eh? It's not over quite yet, trust me. No complaints, please, about certain events. Wait until the last chapter to complain. Everything will unfold itself with time.**

**The final chapter will be up...er...soon.**

**DON'T HIT ME FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! (runs from Touga and Juri fans who will kill her before she can write the last chappy)**

**-GRR Review GRR-**

**-Erin**


	4. Juri's Apocalypse

**Confidential Confessions**

**Chapter IV: Juri's Apocalypse**

**A fanfiction turned songfiction by Erin Lightning

* * *

**

"_It's taken much too long  
__To get it right  
__Would it be so wrong?  
__To maybe find someone  
__A miracle_

_And all you really need  
__Is everything you could never be  
__And so you'd give it all  
__For a miracle_

_Is there a trace  
__Inside her face  
__Of a lonely miracle  
__And so you wait  
__And lie awake  
__For a lonely miracle…"

* * *

_

"I'm sorry…he's not going to make it," the doctor's voice said, the horrible truth that I had known for so long was finally uttered to my parents, well out of what the doctor thought was my hearing range.

I lay in my bed, and couldn't help myself from smiling just a little. So this was what the end was like? Lying here, hardly able to move, in a room that you'd spent almost all of your life in? Hah! The whole idea was laughable. Especially because…none of this was my fault to begin with.

The door crooked open a little, and there was my mother, tears shining in her eyes. "Ruka? Do you need anything?" she asked, her voice shaky.

I said nothing.

Ah, the gentleness of those eyes as she realized this might be the last time she would ever see her dear son alive. Too bad she never knew the truth: that her son had given up, finally. Or that I had brought this on myself.

* * *

Just a few weeks ago, I had given her hope of my recovery. I had done what they had all thought was impossible: I had gone back to the Academy. But what I had found there was enough to send me falling back down into this illness.

Juri…she's changed so much now, but she's still that little girl. She's trying desperately to hold onto the things that she thinks will last. That eternity that is forever beyond her reach, beyond mine.

I don't know why it is I look upon her with such care, such adoration, such blatant foolishness. If it weren't for her, I would've lived a full life. I would've gone on to be a member of that dueling game, all by myself. Maybe then, I would've found eternity.

The truth is, I should hate her.

But, no, not now. Not in the last hours. Now, I would just give anything….I would give anything to see her face just once more before I go under for the count.

* * *

I opened my eyes some time later (how long, I didn't know). The soft scent of roses tickled my nose. That beautiful, magical smell that is the essence of eternity: that scent that lingers even after its source has departed.

But that was not the only smell in the room. Aside from the roses: no, masked by them; came the sharp, peculiar smell of blood. And not my own blood, mind you, though I had lost quite a bit of it in recent days.

This was the smell of a woman's blood, perfumed by the roses.

"I knew you'd come…I knew…" I whispered, closing my eyes against the exhaustion of my limbs. My voice was weak and soft, but I longed for her to hear the conviction, the determination in it, even now. I longed to play that part of the role model.

Her finger, soft as velvet, touched my lips to hush me. She sat down, as daintily as a feline, next to me.

There was a serene silence. I wanted to speak, but didn't know what to say. She wished for silence, I believe. I did open my eyes again now, and what I saw was not what I expected. Blood soaked her beautiful white Ohtori uniform, tainting it a deep crimson hue. Her eyes were sharp, but the luster was fading from them. The fight was gone.

"You're hurt…" I stammered, reaching up with one hand to try to touch the flowing blood, as if I were some mythical beast that could heal with just one little touch. I stopped myself.

"You're dying," she returned. The words had no emotion. Their bitterness stung, yet I knew it was something I deserved.

Silence.

"Juri…I.."

She reached down once more, but this time, her hand clutched at my shirt, taking in a fistful of cloth, as she slowly lowered herself down, laying next to me, clinging to me. Tears shone in her eyes.

"You were that boy.."

I turned my head just a little to look at her, placing one hand lightly around her shoulders. What was she saying?

"That boy….the one that promised me…remember? When my mother…" she coughed, quietly, blood trickling from her lips.

Ah. Yes. That. I pulled her closer. "Juri…don't speak.."

"Like hell I won't…" she muttered, fiercely. Her eyes met mine, those once bright eyes that now shone like the sun in the growing night. The luster, the brightness was gone, dimmed. But the intent was there.

"Ruka….damn you…damn you for it all," she whispered. She couldn't manage much right now, but that curse was as painful as anything she could have said. "It's your fault!"

* * *

"Sometimes.." My voice echoed softly from the walls, matching, word for word, what had been said that day when I had first grown sick and weak. "Sometimes, things happen because you wish for them to happen so strongly. Sometimes a wish becomes a want, and a want becomes a prayer, and a prayer…"

"A prayer becomes a miracle," Juri's voice joined in with mine.

"But sometimes.." I whispered, "You lose as much as you gain.."

Juri's eyes sparkled, and she curled closer to me, letting the tears fall down her face now. "I wanted her dead, gone. She was a hindrance in my life. But, I didn't realize how much she actually meant to me…So I asked for a second chance. Please…I remember, I begged, pleaded…I wanted something that I could hold on to, something that I could keep a hold on this time."

I listened, my eyes closed. I knew what she would say. I hated it. I hated the dreaded words so much. She'd told me before. She'd told me, and I had not believed it. But now…Now I knew it was true.

"I got you.." she whispered. "But…I was…afraid.."

"I grew sick…and you couldn't hold onto my life anymore then I could, Juri. I'm sorry."

"Ruka, you bastard.." she sobbed. "You, Touga, all of you, you're all the same. You…though….you're the worst. You're going to leave me…and then, what will I have? There's no such thing as miracles. There's no such thing as eternity. There's no-"

"There's no such thing as no such thing," I muttered to her, my voice like a tiny wisp of wind.

She clutched me tighter, suddenly. "I won't…let go…"

I looked back down at her now. "I'm sorry."

"I'm going too," she whispered.

"Going?"

"With you. I'm not about to let you rest in peace while I stay here in torment."

"Pray, Juri," I whispered. I was growing weaker, more tired. I was losing the fight. "Pray…for a miracle.."

Tears came to my own eyes, as I felt them closing, my breath leaving me entirely.

And I felt her heart, against mine, slowing with my own.

* * *

In this world, there is nothing eternal. Save for that one thing that binds us all. Shall I call it love? No, it's more then that. The circumstances of my life, my death, are nothing to the great world. But that day when I saw the little girl, with the shining tiger eyes and the small frame brimming with such strength….when I saw the beautiful golden curls that were as bright as the sun…when I saw that small girl in tears by the fountain….I found my eternity.

My one prayer….my miracle, if I may say it…came true. I get to stay with her forever. Even if it's in death…

But is that really "the End"? Can I be satisfied with just that? It's the end to a lot of things: my pain, my torture, my sadness. I guess, I've lost so much and gained so much. To gain an End, I lost her. The one thing I was trying to protect. Why?

Please...no...

* * *

_"...You never really know  
What it is  
Not until it goes  
And if it comes again  
It's a miracle _

But what you miss is love  
In everything below and up above  
And could she bring it all  
A miracle

All you wanted was a (miracle)  
All you needed was a miracle  
A miracle  
And all you wanted was a (miracle)  
All you needed was a miracle  
A miracle

It's taken so long to get it right  
Could it be so wrong  
To maybe find someone  
A miracle"

-Vertical Horizon "Miracle"

* * *

**And...that's the end. There's not much more to say. -sob- Excuse me while I go get a tissue....**


	5. A Miracle

**Confidential Confessions**

**Chapter V: A Miracle**

**A fanfiction by Erin Lightning

* * *

**

"Touga?" I asked, taking a step out onto the dueling arena. "Touga! Oh god!" My feet pushed me forward, my steps hurried as I ran towards him.

He didn't move, just lay crumpled over on the ground in a puddle of blood, the rain further soaking his battered body.

"Ten…jou.." I heard my name whispered on the wind.

* * *

"_Utena Tenjou,_

_The true meaning of a miracle awaits you in the dueling arena. It is time that you see my power._

_-Ends of the World"_

I set the letter on my desk and shook my head. First Juri, now this…

I might as well go. For all I know, this might be my chance to finally meet my prince.

* * *

I had never expected to find Touga here. Not like this. Tears sprung to my eyes, but I brushed them away. 'No, it's just a dream, it's not real. He's playing with me. It's just one of his little games.'

"Tenjou."

I turned. "Akio."

The tanned young man with the soft purple hair and those conniving, yet beautiful eyes, stepped up to me from behind. I backed away, towards Touga. Something didn't feel right in that look Akio had, as he reached his hand out to me.

I smacked it away.

"Something wrong?" asked Akio.

"What happened? What did you-"

"I did nothing, Miss Tenjou," he said with a light bow. "If I'm not mistaken, Touga Kiryuu has done this to himself." There was a sudden flash in his eyes as he looked over at Touga. A flash of uncontrollable anger. "He's a fool."

I backed towards Touga again. "What happened to him?" I snapped. "What happened to Touga?"

"Miss Tenjou, don't worry. I'm here to fix things."

"Fix?"

* * *

The sudden light of the castle above shone down through the pouring rain, making the arena positively glow. Akio seemed the center of the spotlights, and I was mystified as he stepped around me, and walked over to Touga.

He bent, slowly, with those slow, meticulous, royal movements of his. One hand reached down, and lightly rested on Touga's shoulder.

"You thought you could escape, didn't you, Touga? You thought you would take at least one other with you. Juri just happened to be in the right place, at the right time, didn't she?" He paused. "And here I thought I could trust you."

"Escape?" I murmured softly, dazedly. I was transfixed by the glow of his body, by the shining light that penetrated through the darkness. By the magic of this one moment.

"Touga, you can never escape. You can never get free of this place. There is no outside world for you. Only this. And as for the other two that have gone, yes, I will create a miracle for them. Because it is I alone who can do such. "

He stood, slowly, and looked back at me. Such piercing eyes. Juri's could never match his: hers weren't even in the same ballpark as Akio's blazing eyes.

My legs were frozen to the spot. I struggled to back away, but couldn't move as he advanced towards me. One step..two…until he was right up next to me, his hand reaching forward, running down the side of my face. This wasn't the Akio I knew!

"Know this, Utena Tenjou: You will never break free of this place. You, and all the other duelists are nothing but my pawns. Sometimes, yes, you do surprise me, but I can retaliate in ways you cannot even imagine. I can damn you for life. Or I can save you. It is far better for you to just fall by the wayside, and give in to what you cannot change. I am the puppeteer, and you are all my puppets. Fight it, and you will only be hurting yourself."

He paused, then took a step back. "Forget everything, now, Utena. When you awake, everything will be normal once more. This is how it should be."

The final flickering of the castle as the lights faded from my view gave me the knowledge that I had lost. Even if I retained the information he gave me somehow, there was a feeling that I had lost. But…I would still never give up…

* * *

Throwing her golden curls over her shoulder, Juri Arisugawa meandered along the pathways of the Ohtori school, her arms laden with a bouquet of roses. Her eyes met with those of another young woman, high above in the towers. Shiori.

She shook off that feeling of foreboding and continued walking.

"Good morning, Miss Juri," muttered Miki, coming up alongside of her. "beautiful day, isn't it?" Click, click, went the stopwatch in his hand.

Juri nodded, looking up at the magnificent blue sky, that beautiful sun hanging overhead. "Yes, it is."

"Who are those for?" asked Miki, pointing in the direction of the roses.

"Just a friend," replied Juri.

* * *

Utena Tenjou chuckled as she swung ChuChu back and forth from her finger, as he hung upside down with his tail. Anthy laughed softly, laying beside the great oak on the Ohtori grounds, beside Utena.

They went on for a while, just enjoying the day, but it was as Anthy opened the picnic basket, and held out a sandwich to Utena, that Utena whispered to her companion, "I feel like I've forgotten something important."

"Have you, Miss Utena?"

"Anthy, did something happen recently?"

"Something happen, Miss Utena?" Anthy asked returning Utena's gaze with a confused, innocent look.

"Nevermind…" muttered Utena. "It sure is a nice day."

* * *

Juri knocked softly on the door.

"Come in," came a gentle voice from inside.

She pushed the door open, and stepped in, a very soft smile on her face as she lay the roses on the bed. Ruka looked back at her. "Well, it's the beautiful panther," he said, weakly.

"I had a feeling…I needed to see you."

"I see…but I thought we were on a no-speaking policy?" Ruka smirked.

"I only want a minute."

"Fine."

"Ruka…" she started.

* * *

"Look at them all, Touga. Going on like nothing happened," Akio said with a yawn, leaning back in the chair of the telescope contraption.

Touga sat up from his seat on the couch, looking up at his friend. "Nothing happened? Well, you can't say that."

"Then what can I say?"

"You can say…well, you can say that another miracle happened. That's not exactly it, though is it?"

"Sometimes I wonder about you Touga," Akio said in a soft voice, climbing down from the chair and walking over to stand next to Touga. "You have no memory of what occurred. But, once again, your intuition proves useful, doesn't it?"

He paused.

"It was a miracle. They've been given a second chance. Lets hope they just don't repeat their mistakes."

Touga's head turned to Akio. "Maybe, what happened wasn't a mistake," Touga said, giving a soft smile, his eyes burning with recognition.

* * *

That night a soft rain began to fall. As Utena was slipping into her bed clothes, Anthy gave her a little wave and a small smile. "Well, I'm going to visit my brother now, all right Miss Tenjou?"

Utena nodded. "Alright. Have fun, Anthy."

"You too, Miss Utena."

* * *

Anthy hadn't been gone but a short while when there was a light knock at the door. Utena meandered her way down the stairs, slipping a coat on over her pajamas, opened the door…and…

"Juri."

* * *

**THE END **

* * *

Now, you didn't REALLY think I'd end it with just the last chapter being that everyone died. No point in that, really. Instead, Akio reversed everything, and turned back the clock. Ah, such an interesting show, don't you think? And I couldn't resist the final ending becoming the beginning again. I rather like how this turned out.

Please review. Pretty please?


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